I don´t know why I did it!
by LitGG1982
Summary: Jess, Rory. One shot. It´s hard to summarize!


**I know I should have updated „ there's a first for all of us" but I just got this idea and I couldn't help but write it down. Please drop a note and tell me what you think! **

**Let's pretend that Rory and Jess are still together (setting season 5) and that Jess is living in Stars Hollow with Luke.**

As the girl, know as the town princess, was walking down the streets of her home town Stars Hollow towards her destination, she would have never guessed that this day was gonna be one of the worst days of her life. This day would easily beat the day that her dad had walked out on her and her mom. Again. This day would beat the day that she broke up with her first love, because now in retrospect, her current boyfriend would classify as her first love, her first real love. Her first adult relationship. Nothing compared to what she had been feeling while she had been with her first boyfriend. Her steps were light, only close observers would have been able to tell that she had lost some of her quirky personality over the last couple of weeks, her hair was bouncing up and down as her steps echoed in the deserted streets. The only traces she would leave behind were the small shoeprints on the freshly fallen snow, but even these would be hidden by the time she would be running back to her mom's place. Her eyes lit up when she spotted the softly lit diner at the corner of the street, but once again only close observers would have been able to tell that at the same time a shadow was omnipresent on her porcelain doll like face. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold and she couldn't wait to feel warm again. She had been feeling too cold in the last couple of weeks, it was a feeling that came from deep inside and that finally had taken possession of her entire body. She rubbed her hands together in order to get them warm, but she didn't succeed.

When she reached her destination, she softly tried to open the door as if she didn't want to interrupt the peaceful atmosphere that radiated from this town. Everyone was happy here, it was a regular _Pleasant Ville_-like vibe in her home town, but deep inside she felt disconnected, because she was a cheater, something that would never go well with the town inhabitants. They would be disappointed if they knew, but at the same time they would look for excuses, wrecking their brains to come up with reasons why the princess had decided to cheat on her boyfriend, the town hoodlum.

_Poor girl, her father abandoned her when she was a kid. She is having such a hard time at school; she just needed to compensate the stress. I know I can relate._

The poor girl shook her head in order to keep the thoughts away, the thoughts that haunted her everyday, every night. What if …

Today, she had ended the _thing _she had started with one of her colleagues at school, she had told him that she no longer could treat her boyfriend like this. The poor guy never even knew what hit him; he hadn't even known that she was in a relationship. It hurt to think that she never even told that guy that this particular _thing _didn't mean anything to her. When had she become so cold?

She entered the diner and the little bell above the door announced her arrival. Her step dad- to- be looked up at her and smiled, but his smile faded as the images of his broken nephew resurfaced. Ever since his nephew had come back from Yale this afternoon, he had been moody and aggressive, pissing off the customers and finally had gone upstairs and had yet to be seen since. His stepdaughter-to -be smiled at him and pointed to the stairs with her head.

"Hey Luke, is he upstairs?" Luke just nodded and couldn't help but feel angry, maybe it was disappointment? Because whatever it was that made his nephew transform into his 17 year old self, it had to do with her.

The girl wrinkled her nose in confusion and suddenly it hit her. _He knows._ Swallowing hard she ascended the stairs that would lead up to the apartment slowly, taking deep breaths with every step she took, with ever step that would lead her to her own misery.

She knocked at the door, not softly but determined.

"Come in!" His voice was heard from the inside.

With one last deep breath she entered the apartment.

He was sitting on the couch, calmly reading a book. She let out the breath she hadn't even realized she had been holding. _He doesn't know. _

The dark haired boy, man, got up from his spot and came over to where she was standing, giving her a quick peck "hello" on the lips. She started beaming; maybe she would come out of this unharmed after all.

"How was school today?" He politely asked and she couldn't help but feel that something was severely wrong with this picture.

"Good, boring somehow." When he wouldn't answer she continued as she made her way over to where he had sat down again.

"I missed you." He nodded in reply.

"Yeah, me too." She sat down next to him and placed her head in his lap, intertwining their fingers delicately. He leaned down as if he wanted to kiss her, but what came out of his mouth, made her vision blurry and she suddenly felt very nauseous.

"How long have you been cheating on me?" She closed her eyes quickly, but still didn't move her head from his lap.

"What?" The betrayed man blinked and replied.

"You heard me!" His voice was indifferent, as if he didn't care.

"Please!" She whispered almost inaudibly, begging him to forgive her although she hadn't even confirmed his assumption yet. Her eyes filled with tears, and when she couldn't take it anymore, she started sobbing. Still the couple didn't move.

"You have no right to cry, and don't even say you're sorry!" His voice, having lacked of emotions a second ago, was now filled with anger and bitterness.

"But I am!" Suddenly she felt like that little girl again, the girl that begged his father to come to her play in school when she was seven. He wouldn't come.

"Bullshit!" He closed his eyes and shook his head violently.

"I love you!" She tried to express the last hint of hope, but when she felt him shift under her weight, she knew that she had lost.

"Liar!" He accused her, but she knew that he never had been more wrong. She loved him.

She sat up and wiped her eyes, trying to lock her eyes with his, but he made this task impossible as he avoided her eyes with every fibre of his body. It was as if he forced himself not to look at her.

"I don't know why I did it." She finally got out, trying to reach him with his words. She wanted him to react, to be angry, to yell at her for cheating, but all he did was staring at his hands and shaking his head. When he started chuckling, she started to think that maybe he had been drinking.

"Wow, you actually cheated on me. I bet everyone in this fucking town would have thought it would be the other way around. Quite comical really." She didn't dare to ask what exactly was so funny about this.

"Please, let me try to explain…." She didn't get very far with her desperate plea, because he got up and started pacing. For the longest amount of time, neither of them interrupted the silence. Finally he spoke up.

"I want you to leave." A silent sob escaped her mouth, but she tried to cover it up by placing a hand over her mouth. By now her shoulders were shaking violently and silent tears were running down her face. _That's it. _She kept thinking.

"I don't care why you did it, all I know is that you did it, and I want you out." She got up and approached him slowly.

"So, what now?" she asked, trying to understand his request.

"Now!" He scratched his jaw and continued "we're over!" She gasped and choked on her own words.

"W-w-w-what?" He wouldn't have heard her if they hadn't been standing only inches apart. He repeated his earlier words.

"You heard me!"

"We can't be over, Jess." It was the first time she directed her words directly to him. He, Jess, leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers tightly.

"Yet we are, Rory!" Rory didn't even have the time to close her eyes to enjoy what seemed to be the last kiss, because he already pulled back and looked at her with sad and exhausted eyes, the only indicator that he actually was suffering. The kiss had tasted like loss anyhow.

"Yet we are." He repeated and turned around.

On her way home, she couldn't help but think that she didn't get her fairy tail ending and it was entirely her fault. Sometimes loving somebody simply wasn't enough.

**So, what do you think? Good, bad? This is a one shot, I won't continue it, but please drop a note anyhow, thank you for taking the time to read.**


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